A lot has happened since the night Jacob and I broke up. I find it quite compelling and rather funny how after I break up with him for reasons that I'm surprised I'm mature and even old enough to realize the kind of situation I was in that I can still want to be with him. When we talk it's like nothing has changed except there are no double meanings and/or sexual comments. I regret saying that I feel more secure and happy with things that way. I'm not going to go back out with him however, considering it will go back to the same routine. thinking about the things and experiences I shared with and just in general shared with Jacob I can honestly say I don't ...quite regret it. i look down upon myself for it. I'm embarrassed beyond comprehension, and I'm really very disappointed in myself. It's Saturday and tomorrow is Father's Day. I'll post a separate blog about that! : ) Anyways, I find myself staying up at night thinking about the two men in my life. Semm and Jacob. Semm and I have been extremely close since the first night I began talking to him. He understands and helps me in ways that I'm truly astounded. How can someone know ME so well yet I barely even know them? I do have a fear that he is using me for certain things. I would heart-broken of course. It would take a while to recover, but I would eventually recover. No man can hold me down. I'm a dependent person and I respect myself for things I will never speak aloud to strangers, or even the people so close my heart they might as well own me. Life is a complicated game. Guys are just one of the hard obstacles you go over. Mostly you crawl to the top and use all of your energy to get there and then when you are finally at the top you trip up and clumsily fall all the way down the other side. It's how you pick yourself of that counts. How you don't let those tumults slow you down and sidetrack you from the other obstacles out there. If you haven't noticed I'm starting to jump around on subjects a little. I think it's a natural procedure for my brain. I am never able to stick to one specific subject just because I have so much going on in my head that I want to express it all at once. Sorry about that, Viewers. : ) Then again it may have something to do with the level of tiredness my body has escalated to. The last three nights I've only been stealing a few hours of sleep. I've been staying up until early hours in the morning helping my mom with a Wedding Cake she made. Then waking up at around 8 after only 4 or 3 hours of sleep. Only to get up and begin the whole strenuous labors o doing it again. Hahaha It actually isn't too bad. It's fun creating things like that. Especially yummy ones you get to test taste. hahaha... : ) Since it is 12:06, I'm teenager, tomorrow is Father's Day, and I am uncharacteristically tired I think I will Log off and get some shut-eye. : ) love you all. : )
Extra Crap that I forget to Do Sometimes : )
Music: Anything by Eminem
Book: Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead
Movie: Paranormal Activity (Jake you still need to watch that with me : ) hahaha)
Mood: Exhausted, Confused, Elated, Calm, Happy, Misguided, and Sorrowful
Have a Happy Father's Day tomorrow! Tell all y'all's Daddy's that you love them! Hehehe : ) <3
